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I'm getting married in a month. Maybe two: I don't really know. I don't have a dress to wear. I don't have colors picked out. I don't have a definition of what it's supposed to mean to be a bride, and I don't have a definition of what it's supposed to mean to be a wife.
I hate the word "wife."
I like the word "husband," though. I think I will ask to be called that. Besides; look up the origins of the words and you will understand what I mean.
I. Just. Don't. Care. I really want to marry my sweetheart, mostly because I have to in order to be with him in Canada. I have no other option as far as immigration goes. That's why I', letting the government(s) stick its/their nose(s) up my Big Fat Butt Bow.
But, jeepers, nobody will let me be indifferent in peace, fer corn sakes. Not my mother, not my mother-in-law, etc etc. I also have to contend with people's "well-meaning" advice that a wedding isn't for the couple, it's for the family. Getting married certainly has absolutely *nothing* to do with us - they are right. It has to do with a more convenient way to run a census and count GNP numbers and make entries in family trees and reassure my parents psychologically that they have fulfulled their evolutionary promises. It also lets me off the "when are you getting married?" hook. The "we have questions about your sexuality but would rather eat this Thanksgiving dinner in a thick tension, thank you very much."
See, I *know* I don't have any role to fill. I know I don't have to do what I am *supposed* to do. I know I don't have to begin wearing denim jumpers with embroidered apples on them or pretend I am a virgin on my "wedding night" or even have a "wedding night" or have to make it mean something that we said an incantation in front of a person who took their civil service exam and got a "C." Everyone says, "You have to make it mean something," but they don't even know what their something is. They just say "something" and they go through life happily and miserably worshipping the "something" god.
So I will make it meaningful later, long after the incantation is said, in a ritual that the government and the church don't get to be involved in. It's going to mean, to me and to him, that we are going to be twice as cool, twice as weird, twice as financially able, and twice as old, eventually. And we will be really good company to each other, and try not to suck the "souls" out of each other, and if we do, we have to recognize it and stop it. And that's what my something is. And it has nothing to do with the chicken dance.
I just... every day I feel more alienated because I am compelled to look at lace and ribbons and watch "A Wedding Story" and I wonder what's wrong with me? I have no desire for a large display of reproductive prowess in the form of upturned blossoms, ready for that glorious tickle of pollinating bee leg. I don't need girls dressed like me to ward off evil spirits and maurauding Vikings. My father can't give me to anybody becuase there is no taking nor giving, and my veil has long been lifted. And if I have to hear Pachelbel's Cannon just ONE MORE TIME...see, I was a violin player, and I played at a lot of weddings. It's the most tedious thing EVER for a musician to play. I don't drink, I don't go to church, and I hate restrictive underwear.
O, but there WILL be a ceremony. And I have finally decided. It will be for me and for him, because we need it. And it won't be like anything anyone has been to.
But my fear is I won't be able to cut it and I'll end up buying those stupid bags of Jordan almonds and little bubble blowers. Stupid. I'm going to wear pants, I think. Maybe chinese pajamas. Maybe I'll paint myself blue and go naked. Maybe I'll wear a ratty bathrobe. Or a gorilla costume. And I'll make him the star.
Hellbound Alleee <email>
Montreal, QC Friday, June 27, 2003
Had to add something since I've been noticing comments of people involved with brides...Only been planning since Jan. Yes, a short engagement helps with the stress. But it's more than that....right now I'm trying to redefine my self-identity as a wife. I've been an independant woman for awhile, own my own condo, and am over 30. THere is not really any positive bride concepts out there, esp. for being a wife unless you count Mrs. Clever. The only thing is a bride picture where you're suppose to be beautiful, perfect like a model, and it's only suppose to happen once. That's a horrible order that is implanted in most American girl's minds since when we were a child. That's a H*ll of a lot of cultural baggage being associated with being a bride, to add to the fact your role in life changes, you may be a mother soon, and that's enough to make people a little crazy. Add the other emotions of family and friends(a bridesmaid that is single is saying she is going through a lot since I'm getting married and dating like a mad woman. I myself felt the period and exclaimation mark of being without someone when my sister got married and I was a bridesmaid...)...you've got a recipe for a brideszella. GIve the brides a break. YOu'd want people to give you one too.
Callibride <email>
Friday, June 27, 2003
Only 4 more weeks to go. Now, among all the things, my biggest beef seems to be the fact that everyone decided to get married when I did. Thus, my fiancees work group and the group that I was hanging with(and how I met him) have 5 weddings within a 2 month period. IT's gotten to the point where maybe half the people are going to mine, only one person is showing to go to my Bachelorette party. At least 5 showed up to go to my Bridal Shower. At least the rest of my family and friends, this is the only wedding for them. But we only got invited to one wedding, which is my close friends and this weekend..June 29. So I'm helping out a lot. Unfortunately, she is going on her honeymoon during my Bachelorette Party. I went to Vegas for hers and so did everyone else. So all are broke. But they all went on this other girls Bachelorette party last weekend. I've got a few friends telling me, get over it. But it's hard when you've been there for others, blew 200 hundred bucks on strippers and drinks, and no one plans to go to your party. IT hurts really. I guess my real friends will be with me for my own.
This whole wedding process really shows how you rate with people-friend versus acquaintance.
PS: We do have 92 people coming when we sent out about 110 invited total. I am thankful for that.
Callibride <email>
Friday, June 27, 2003
I have less than 3 months to go and have gotten the name bridezilla from my friends and family. But nobody ever stops and wonders why I am a bridezilla. Where do I begin...Well it all started after I became engaged a year and a half ago, we had asked some people to be in our wedding party. Believe it or not, our wedding party has changed 3 times! 1 of our ex groomsman, his wife is friends with my fiance' ex girlfriend, got upset that he is not marrying her and they decided to stop talking to us completly. Plus, I had one girl who said yes to being in the wedding and then made all these excuses of why she hasn't gotten fitted for her dress, I finally had to ask her outright if she didn't want to be in the wedding and she said yes, that she couldn't afford to be in it. I wasn't mad at the fact that she couldn't, but I wish she would have said no when I first asked her. The biggest thing of all was that my wedding gown came in January, and to my horror...it wasn't the gown that I picked out! Well I went totally bridezilla on them, but who could blame me..any bride in my shoes would have been the same! And to make matters worse, they tried to talk me into taking the dress! Needless to say they finally got the right gown in and the bridezilla beast has been somewhat soothed for the time being. But than I had more things happen. My flower girls mother did not want to pay for a dress and wanted to ask someone to make one for the flower girl to wear. I was okay with this and understood about money problems, except these dresses were so ugly. So I offered to pay for the dress myself. The dress I picked out was so cute and pretty and everyone who has seen a picture of it, agrees with me. The flower girls mom had the nerve to bad mouth it! She has said several times that it was ugly. Then my flower girl got asked to be in another wedding a few weeks after mine, and the mother is acting like she loves the dress now and wants her to wear the dress in this wedding. I have also had some of my girls make demands on me...who are you to tell me what you are going to and not going to do, this is my wedding! I am talking about trying to change the wedding color, demanding types of shoes they wear (by the way 2 of them want one kind, and 2 of them want the other) and what their title should be in the wedding. And one of my girls just got married, I was her maid of honor during my engaged period, which means I was not only planning my wedding but also helping her plan hers. Having to throw her bridal shower was pure hell for me, the mothers hated each other and they both were the most unorganized people, you ever wanted to meet. I had to beg them over and over again for a guest list and because of that, the invites went out right before the shower. I love my friend, but being a bride and a maid of honor at the same time..talk about stress! So to my mom, my sister and my friends who like to tease me and call me bridezilla. Yes I am, and now you and the world will know why.
Yes I have turned into Bridezilla!
Baltimore, Md Thursday, June 26, 2003
It irritates the piss out of me when stupid, teenage brides bring their fiances with them to the bridal store while they look for a gown!!!! I mean what is this...a wedding or a prom? I swear, no one under the age of 21 should be allowed to marry...they just don't get it, they think it's one huge "Sweet 16" party!!!
Bride who is SICK of teenage brides!
Thursday, June 26, 2003
I confess. I manipulated both sides of the family, in order to have the wedding I wanted. It worked great!
The dilemma we faced was the disparity between our families. Beloved's parents have a bit of money, and are an old New England family. My parents are country folk from the South. His parents are very nice, but MINE are snobs. I was concerned that they would go deeply into debt trying to make a wedding to impress his family.
So, we told everyone that we were going to just have a private civil ceremony, and then a party a few days later at our house. "Oh, a barbeque or something." And we would do all the arrangements, and pay for everything.
Then both sides of the family started wanting more. I pretended to give in, "I suppose you are right, some announcements would be nice." "Okay, Mom, I'll get a nice dress to wear." "You know, Aunt Jane, you're right, it would be nicer to have the pary in a pretty park." and so on. Every "concession" we made was really something we wanted to do anyway.
Then, our last surprise for everyone: The Judge was not availble the day we wanted, and would actually be coming to the park and marrying us on the day everyone would be there.
Everyone was so thrilled to actually have a wedding to attend, they didn't complain about it being less formal than they wanted. It worked great, and everyone felt we had given in to their special demand.
I hope they never figure it out!
Sneakybride
Thursday, June 26, 2003
Okay, last night my love and I were discussing wedding colors. "Lavender?" I suggest. "That'd be cool ... with *navy blue*." I'm sorry, but navy blue is NOT a color. After spending an hour trying to convince him of that, we made a deal; whatever I say goes, as long as I promise not to ask him to do ANYTHING. And I say, "Great!" Less elements to control. *Sigh* Only twenty-one months to go ...
Obsessed?
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
I'm going crazy, and we've only been engaged for 2 months. I finally talked to my dad about $$$, and it looks like he's going to help us, but he still won't tell me how much he can help us with, so I'm stuck unable to really plan anything. We're getting married next March, so I've got like 8 months or so to plan, which means I have plenty of time... But time moves quickly just when you want it to slow down, and I don't want to be killing myself trying to get things planned and finished at the last minute!! Please give me the strength to not go apesh*t on everyone...
My FH is totally tired of hearing about wedding stuff, too, and here I am thinking "This is just the beginning, babe ... you ain't seen nothin' yet!" He thinks it's just going to *poof* happen, what a great party! Just wait until I start giving him stuff to do, mwahahaha....
No, really, he's been supportive, and my main focus is to remember that it's just one day, and what I'm really looking forward to is being married. As soon as I finish banging my head against the wall...
Grrr
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
We had the huge wedding (380 people) and had no problems. The things that saved me: right from the start I decided that if we (me & FH) were not having fun with the event I would cancel it - end of story. I did it all in 4 months so it didn't monopolize my life for too long. My FH and I decided at the start what were the important things for us that day, would not budge on them and let the parents/family mess around with the things we didnt really care about. Plan on the weekdays, dont waste your weekends planning 1 day. Paid for the bridesmaid dresses (I had to be more responsible with my choice), paid for the hair and make-up as my gift to them (people who are not broke have more fun and buy better gifts for you). Didnt pay too much attention to details, if you dont know about them, you wont know when they are wrong. Lots of food, alcohol and friends on the big day. Never expected anything to be perfect, the two of us are anything but. Had a great time and didnt lose any friends or sanity. Remember, the event is the most important thing, not you! I will never regret having the huge at home wedding, it was the best time ever and our memories of the day are perfect.
Happy Bride
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
I'm not even engaged yet, but I broke down in tears when I found out that my boyfriend's cousin will be having her wedding this August in the same unique location that we had picked out for our 2006 wedding. I know that tons of people get married there every year anyway, but I can't stand the fact that she will be married there and take the unique and specialness out of it. At least I can take solace in the fact that her reception will be at the VFW!
Not even engaged yet!
Monday, June 23, 2003
2 1/2 weeks ago, a bridezilla who was supposedly one of my closest friends told me that I was no longer her MOH because her mom insisted that she make her sister a MOH, I said "okay, whatever is least stressful for you." I've excused some poor behavior from her in the past few months, chalking it all up to her prenuptual jitters. She lives in CA and I'm in the East coast, so I went to visit her after her engagement. I complimented her ugly ring, ugly apt., etc. etc. because that's what friends do. I witnessed her berating her boyfriend for 3 hours, highly embarrassed but with no place to go. And she calls him "Mr. Confident!!!" When I offered to host the bridal shower she said "don't worry about it, another friend has already offered." I never got an invitation to the shower, and then she complained afterwards that the 'friend' who hosted it made her pay for everything. Turns out she invited all of her coworkers, who are NOT invited to the wedding!!! Tacky. So I'm seeing her turn into a monster, yet I'm cow-towing to all her demands because "it's her special day". She demanded that I buy a ticket way in advance, dictated exactly what day I should arrive (like I have no life), where I was staying, etc. Then, after returning from business travel, I realized that my bridesmaid dress had not arrived. I called to ask her what happened, and she became an absolute demon from hell. "I didn't send you the dress because after our last conversation, I wasn't sure you wanted to be in my wedding." What!?! I reassured her that I wanted to be in her wedding, even though I was demoted to bridesmaid. She continued to say things like "Are you sure you're not jealous because I'm getting married and you're not?" and "Why did you say that it sounds like my house must be beautiful, are you jealous?" and "Why did you tell me that you haven't been able to find a confident guy yet, is it because you're jealous?" OH MY GOD!!!!! She kept on and I lost my temper. I raised my voice and told her that I was happy for her and that she was going to have to take me at my word. She said she'd have to think about it and call me back. Well, this had turned into abuse. I had bought a special gift for each room of her house, booked a day at the spa for us before the wedding (at her command!!), paid for the ticket, a dress I'd never wear again, put up with hours of listening to her complain about her sister being jealous, her fiance's ex being jealous, her other friends being jealous, her co-workers being jealous. And now this. I was on the verge of backing out, but I figured that if she called to apologize, I'd let it all go. Well, she called, and not only did she not apologize, but she told me that I was never able to share any of the happy moments of her life, and that I was jealous of her other friendships (of which she has none now! her other bridesmaid are her sister, who she can't stand, and her cousin, who she barely knows) etc. etc. She said "therefore, you are no longer invited to my wedding." I sat there, unwilling to believe that I had just taken such abuse over the phone from this friend of 10 years. She is no longer a friend. I called her a F**king B**ch before hanging up. Now I know - I will never again cow-tow to another demanding bride. Women show their true bitchy colors before weddings, and my advice to any bridesmaid is to back out before she completely walks all over you. I am now emotionally and financially broke because of this bitch. Thank God I have other friends who laughed when I told them the story and said "good riddence to her - sounds like she's got major problems!" By the way, Diane, our mutual friends - the ones who are no longer speaking with you - have been telling me for years that you are a jealous bitch who always needs to be the center of attention. I gave you the benefit of the doubt for too long. Good riddence!!!
Another Bridezilla Victim
Monday, June 23, 2003
I don't know where to start, but now my fiance wants to invite to our wedding afew buddies of his from his childhood that he hasn't seen in over 3 years. I've only met them once, and their appearance sux. I am so afraid they are going to ruin our wedding. I spoke with him nicely, and was very patient when I told him that I don't want to invite them, but he is insistant. The wedding is about a month away, and he is being very rude. Yelling and screaming, and it makes me sick. I don't know what to do anymore. But, all I know is theirs no compromising going on here. I am sure they will ruin our wedding. I mean come on, this has cost over 40 thousand dollars, and if they weren't on the guest list from the beginning why should we invite them now? It's obvious that they weren't priority!!
ManhattanBride
Monday, June 23, 2003
My best friend is getting married, and since the day the ring was put on her finger, she forgot that she is not the center of the universe!
This bride has done everything from telling people flat out that this is her day and her guests will wear what she wants them to etc etc. She has also ordered her MOH and the best men's gift and told us after the fact what the gift was and that we were expected to shell out $300 each for the gift.
It doesn't sound like much here, but from the get go (she has been engaged 1.5 yrs now, the wedding this summer) she has easily spent everyone else's money, including her fiance's. I've had enough!
A wedding is supposed to be a time when best friends grow closer...and i feel we have grown apart. Nothing I do is good enough, and the amount of attitude and rude behaviour she has bestowed is incredible!
My advice, think twice about accepting a MOH position. Some brides turn into literal Bridezillas.
Frustrated Maid of Honour
Monday, June 23, 2003
I told my grandfather and my father to grow up and act their ages, not my son's! Now neither one of them are speaking to me. I guess at least now instead of arguing and being angry with each other, they're united in thier pissy-ness with me.
Leah Cupps <email>
Port Orchard, WA Monday, June 23, 2003
I refused to have my only nephew in my bridal party as a) I didn't want any children in the bridal party. and b)I was having my reception in an area that was not child friendly...think water, dark and adults drinking and eating at a stand up reception. The parents of my nephew asked everyone they could think of to try and get us to change our minds, including my father and then had the cheek to yell at us when we accused them of doing this.( the fact the parents of my nephew decided to seperate the week of our wedding and then have a sms fight in the church before I arrived also really pissed me off as well)
wicked witch of an aunt
Saturday, June 21, 2003
My fiancee and I originally planned for a December wedding...lots of planning time! Then he got a new job and the wedding was moved to the July BEFORE!!! I've completely went into control freak mode...Here are some examples: 1)I totally worry that his groomsmen are not as pretty as my bridesmaids (and i'm usually not superficial, I swear, I mean, I'm no prize winning heifer!), 2)there's nothing on the altar to balance the side the unity candles will sit on and the pictures will look off center 3)I want to ask the reception site to set up a table that will look just like the one at my reception to make sure it won't be ugly (haven't done it just yet...holding back the urge) 4)I've given my mother and aunts ideas to make my bridal shower fun and classy, 5)I asked my fiancee for color ideas and rejected his opinion because it was "not the right answer", and 6)I've invited around 175 guests of which many are "backup" so the church won't be empty in case people can't make the Friday night ceremony
HELP ME...THE BRIDEZILLA INSIDE HAS TAKEN OVER...My fiancee asked me when he could have his precious sweet woman back...My answer...The day after the wedding! :) Good luck, sister bridezillas!!
Control Freak
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
Oops ... the wedding is March *005*. I bet it makes more sense now. :)
Obsessed?
Denton, TX Wednesday, June 18, 2003
Okay, so.
1) I wish *so* bad that I could only invite my side of the family, because his is crazy and huge and not inviting all 120 of the distant relations will cause a scandal.
2) I spend at least three hours a day focused FULLY on planning the nuptiuals ... and the wedding isn't until March ... *2003*.
3) We are going to be involved in three weddings at LEAST before ours (his sister, his mother, and a friend of his), and I am torn between not giving away ANY of my ideas in case they get stolen and being REALLY ANGRY if anyone else uses one of my ideas before me ("THEY'RE STEALING MY THOUGHTS!!!"). Somuchso that I encourage tacky ideas in order to preserve my good ones.
4) He's been asked to officiate a wedding next October, and I *fume* when I think about it, because a) these people got together six months AFTER us and are getting married six months BEFORE us, and b) I hatehatehate the bride with a flaming passion. It's getting hard not to beg him NOT to officiate.
Does this qualify me as a wretch?
Obsessed?
Denton, TX Wednesday, June 18, 2003
i have been a pain in the ass to all my vendors. i called my reception hall to make sure they had all the right hour d'ourves. the women sounded anoyed, but now i feel justified. i ordered my dress nine months before my wedding. i called this week to see how soon it would be in and low and behold it was there. they were going to wait until september or so to call me for fittings. it's the wrong color! it's supposed to be white with platinum leaves embroidered the thread is white! so i cried and now they have to order another one. and with any luck it will be in before my november wedding if not i will not pay full price for the wrong dress.
bicky mc bitchster
bridal hell, ma Wednesday, June 18, 2003
For my second wedding (my first is a mercifully fading memory) my FH and I kept it almost all "in-house" - we were married by his brother, attended only by one close friend each, who did NOT have to wear anything special, had friends/family who came from interstate and overseas who then decorated the reception hall for us, picked roses for petals to throw, took all the photos (no professional photograher) you get the idea. we married in our own garden at home, spoke our own vows, walked with our guests to the reception,and the only outside help was the cake (beautiful, organised by my FH) and the food at the reception (organised 2 weeks before wedding by me, from our favourite restaurant). we have a beautiful album of happy snaps, a great memory we still talk about, and we had a wedding that was the envy of everyone because it was so real, low-key, joyous, spontaneous etc. cost us a minute amount compared to what a 'traditional' white-and-all-the-trappings would have and no gripes from anyone! Folks, your day is just that - for BOTH OF YOU. do it your way.
Rasa
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
I got engaged in December and my fiances brother got engaged in May. They are getting maried before us, she never even asked us when we were thinking of getting married. So I am wishing the worst for their wedding. I am even thinking of maybe accidentally spilling grape juice on her dress!
TESS
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
MY ROLE:
OK. I am not in the wedding.THAT IS OK... NO REALLY!?!?! I dont like to stand in front of people or walk down an aisle. I am not and ugly person and I dont break cameras when I smile, but its just not my thing. I made that clear before she asked. I said I will be there for anything that you need. I will be a shoulder, an ear, a helping hand, or whatever you need.
I am helping her plan because the MOH is out of state. But, the most important thing is that the bride is HAPPY! It is her day; she should have whatever she wants. And I want to help make that happen.
THE PROBLEM:
The problem is that she knows what she wants, but then listens to what everyone else wants (or suggests). Plus she is competing with her sister's wedding. She is very trendy but is trying to fit into a traditional wedding. I am supposed to be helping her plan, but I find it IMPOSSIBLE. First, she dreamed of a huge $$$$$ wedding or she would not get married. But she had not saved a dime and there were no parental dollars. Then she wanted a small private outdoor wedding; because it was cute, cheap and money could go towards a honeymoon; plus she is soooo in love that she just cant wait a year... she wants to get married NOW (Ok in 10 weeks). I order to help curb expenses, I suggested floating candle and rose petal center pieces, invitations printed ourselves on a color laser decorated with a single ribbon in the wedding colors, functional stuff instead of frills (like using disposable cameras and mini calendars for next year with their anniversary date circled for guests; instead of bells for each person and engraved knives) etc. Just ways to cut back on some of the BS that people are going to throw away.
So she decided to have a wedding for 50 with 100 people on her list, bc she just can not leave anyone out. Then there is the color of the BM dresses and the BMs... The ladies are all in different places and they want an opinion but time is VERY SHORT! Yes ladies, we may have to buy OFF THE RACK! To boot, the FI is not helping... and the BRIDE is PISSED about that. She is so worried about making everyone else happy and no one is worried about making her happy. THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF! it is HER day.
MY ADVICE?:
I am a terrible person to advise her bc I ELOPED. I have never regretted not going into $$$$ of debt for a single day that most people need pictures to remember. Come on $90 and up per plate for food you wont remember. It was about ME and MY HUBBY! We had a blast... no a BLAST... WE REMEMBER EVERYTHING... even how giddy we were on the plane to the islands to get married. I had this crazy idea that the whole marriage thing was about US! We had a party/reception when we got back... We opened an account and told people they could donate to our honeymoon fund as a gift. It was AWESOME! We all DRANK and PARTIED bc we got married. What a concept!?!?
THEIR OPINIONS DONT COUNT... DO THEY!?!?!
But that was me. I dont understand how everyone gets a say but they dont pay! "I want you to have big flowers, and a big dress and white gloved waiters and bells and whistles and rice and bubbles and beaches and ballrooms and . . . ." OK... that COSTS...I keep saying "LOVE, it is your day. Keep it that way."
FINALLY:
I want to help, but I dont know how.... b/c I would probably not write down a thing and just tell them everyone that is sticking their nose in to Kiss My @$$!!! and HER @$$ TOOO!!! Your assistance in regards to this matter would be GREATLY appreciated.
Bridal Friend
Monday, June 16, 2003
I love this site, it cracks me up! Assume that most of the bridezillas who post here are from the US... geez, you guys take it so seriously, it's fantastic, but fairly scary... I wish I even had the imagination to make up 1 experience that matched the frightening intensity of some of the stuff I read here - some people's families are truly unbelievable... I wonder if it's got something to do with being Australian, and I don't mean to sound smug, but my god in comparison I'm having a dream run in the lead up to my marriage in November. 60 invitees, no stress, mountain ceremony, everyone well-wishing, families as much or as little involved as I want them to be. (Okay, while I'm here, I have had one small bridezilla run-in with the FH while he was making and printing the invites - he wanted the font left aligned, I wanted it centred. I won.) But chins up chicks! It should be fun!
Australian and impressed
Sydney, Monday, June 16, 2003
My MOH has taken over the rehersal dinner. I have even had to move the reheral to accomidate her. She wants to invite all out of town guests. It works out to be about 100 people. I don't think so. The rehersal dinner is suposed to be a chance for the groom and I to thank those who have heled us with the wedding not a chance to show off. It's getting out of hand. I'm willing to compromise and invite all of my and FH's Aunts and Uncles but distent cousins neither of us has seen in years (who are only being invited to the wedding as a favor to FH father - who hasn't seen them in years either!)? It's my wedding but she want's to take over because I'm marrying the only child of hers who is going to have a wedding. Back off B!%@#.
It's MY wedding!
Sunday, June 15, 2003
Sorry. It's the FMIL that is taking over, not the MOH.
It's MY wedding
Monday, June 16, 2003
I am holding a grudge against SIL. She brought her baby to the reception in spite of the fact that there were absolutely no kids invited. Not one. The baby was covered in food and in its pajamas. The LEAST she could have done, if she was going to fly in the face of her brother's wishes (not just mine) is to dress the kid up. I mean..PJs???? Covered in food???? And gee, I have eighty million professional photos of that nightmare.
Newlywed
CA Friday, June 13, 2003
I think the reason brides are so stressed is because they are really the only ones trying to please everyone. Everyone else is angling for what they want in the wedding. His parents want a rabbi, yours a priest, your father wants bagpipes, his father wants steel drums. And somehow the bride is supposed to make it all fit. Nobody asked what I want.
peanut
Friday, June 13, 2003
I trusted the cake decorator that she knew what she was doing without seeing any photos of her previous work. She made the smallest, ugliest, most not what I ordered cake possible. It tasted decent (the small crumb I had since it was not big enough) but it looked so atrocious on display as everyone walked in, I still have nightmares. It's a good idea to throw all your trust out the window when planning a wedding and don't take any chances with asshats like her.
Connie
Friday, June 13, 2003
Yeah, so I'm getting a little bit nervous for our wedding night... I'm anxious for it, but, it turns out, nervous too. I'm a virgin; he's not. Together we are abstaining from s until we're married. I know that God will provide for us... whatever we need. I know that by trusting in His way, we will be blessed in our marriage.
I'm still nervous, but not because of him... he's so gentle and sweet to everybody and everything... I'm not worried about that part... just about the me part... We've had to severly limit, if not curb all together, alone time lately because it's getting harder all the time to keep our hands off each other....(sigh)
Nervous bride
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
So many people tell me that their parents offered to give them $$ if they elope... instead of spending it on a silly wedding.... My Confession: I wish that was Me!!! I would have said yes in a New York Minute!!! I've never been big on girly things... and you can't get more girly than wedding planning! My family is not big on long engagements. I'm glad because I don't think I could handle having a long time to plan a stupid wedding. Knowing me I would obsess about it for months/ years and then still wait until the last minute to make decisions.
I REALLY want to elope!
Happy Camper?
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
Yet another turning-thirty-now-must-get-married case; I'm in a wonderful relationship of many years with a great guy, and until recently neither of us was that big on the idea. (Okay, until recently I ran screaming from the room if anyone mentioned it.) But now all of a sudden I find myself looking at all these wedding sites and contemplating dresses! I discussed this with the potential fiancee, and he too is okay with the idea of "maybe in a few years" like when he finishes school, and that makes sense. Butof course our vague ideas of what we want in a wedding ceremony are complete opposites (summer vs. winter, formal vs.informal, and so on). So I dropped the subject mostly, but then I catch myself obsessing over "my perfect wedding" at work even though I know I'm gonna have to compromise and find ways to do things the way he'd like them to be also. Bridezilla in the making!
Meanwhile his ex is getting married this summer and she and I have always been soooo competitive and jealous of each other. For a long time I was hurt and jealous because she (a pushy bitch) strongarmed MY bf into being engaged to her when they were dating, but to me he said he'd never get married (probably because that bitch scarred him for life, even he says so now) the first time I brought up the subject. He and I got over that, but I'm really glad the ex didn't ask me to be in her wedding party or anything, because I would have turned into the bitchy bridesmaid from hell who criticized everything. Plus I probably (now that I have this stupid biological-clock attack of MUST GET MARRIED) am little jealous that she gets to get married and I don't yet (even though her fiance is a total loser jerk). Some of our friends have already said stuff like "I thought you would get married first" to me, since she and I have been with our respective BFs for about the same length of time now, which doesn't help me at ALL.
I know I'm gonna want to say mean stuff at her wedding under my breath about how that dress makes her look fat, how lame her fiancee is, how tacky stuff looks, whatever. I'm really trying not to be a bitch where anyone can hear me, but it's gonna be sooo hard. Her wedding's in about 5 weeks and nobody's bought anything off her registry yet (and it's all stuff she doesn't really need anyway, I know because we used to be roommates and she already has or had and broke all that kitchen junk, and there's nothing on the registry her husband would want at ALL). And really I want things to go well for them - really - but part of me wants things not to. She's "between hairstyles" (growing out short hair) and if she doesn't do something soon it's gonna look disgusting. Unfortunately I can't vent all this bitterness and meanness to anyone of my friends, because almost all of my friends are friends with her as well.
And I've been surfing too many wedding sites from work this week and I just had a nightmare about having a corporate-theme wedding complete with my work's logos on everything! It was horrible! My rational mind wants to wait a few years until we have more money and either do things right or elope to Jamaica, but the jealous bitch in me wants to show HER up or at least make my BF propose to me so I can have a big(ger) ring to show off at HER wedding reception.
hardly working and hormonal
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
Reason #1 why I have made arrangements for my doctor friend to shadow my mother with a syringe full of Lithium at the future nuptuals:
I've met Mister Right- we're discussing marriage....JUST TALKING, mind you..and my mother calls to tell me, plaintively, that "Church X is a very popular venue, if you want to get married there you should make reservations soon!"
I managed to thank her politely and remind her that, just maybe, it would be in good taste to wait until Mr. Right actually PROPOSES!!" and got the hell off the phone.
Boy Oh Boy- can't wait to plan a wedding with that one!
She was such a terror at my first sister's wedding that when my younger sister got married, she holed up with us bridesmaids and got ready in an "undisclosed location" before driving to the church at the last possible second.
Soon
Los Angeles, ca Tuesday, June 10, 2003
I came across this site a few months ago when I first got
engaged. Reading about how unhappy and stressed out so
many brides are and how spoiled, selfish, and greedy others
are has been a huge help in deciding what kind of wedding
I wanted. Small, simple, relatively casual, etc. My wedding
is a few months away and all the big stuff is decided on and
pretty much paid for. (Note to brides who expect their parents
to pay for their weddings: Don't complain when they want to
take over - pay for it yourself if you want your own wedding.
And if you're too young and poor to pay for it - then you're
too young and poor to get married!!).
The only "confession" I have (so far), is that, after being very
frugal with all the arrangements, I'm now surfing the Web
and spending way too much money on favors and decorations
for the reception because they're cute, pretty, go with my
theme (pick your reason). At this rate, I'll spend more on
favors than on my dress!
Not a Bridezilla (yet)
DC Tuesday, June 10, 2003
We're having a large summer reception after our teeny winter wedding. We hadn't registered anywhere because we don't really need anything. Some random great aunt freaked out because we weren't registered anywhere. "Have you registered yet?? You HAVE to register!!! How am I supposed to buy a gift if you're NOT REGISTERED?!" etc. So, we take an afternoon and go register. Pretty soon we're like, "Hey, we can use some sheets and towels. This pan set is nice, etc." Our party is this weekend and no one's bought one damn thing off our registry!! (Yes, I check. Nyah!) So now I guess I know exactly what I'm not getting! Glad I went to the trouble!
So much for greed
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
mine is that I want to control everything. Even do not want my finance opion. I picked out everything. The groom feels left out. My boyfriend/soon to be new husband mother is driving me nuts the absent mother in law. Don't believe anthing she says. The dolphin wedding I want my parents hate the idea. I think I would have eloped if this was a year ago. I need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sandra
Monday, June 09, 2003
I am so tired of talking about my wedding I could puke! My "best" friends, my future in-laws and even my own mother are pulling me in 18 different directions. They aren't telling what I should be doing but they sure do mention that they would have done and what colors they prefer.
The topic of our conversations are not about the groom and I. But about what they should wear, or what overnight arrangements I've made. And how am I planning on spending time with them.
I have received countless calls from peopel wanting phone numbers and names of places to stay. When I included all that and more information in the invitation including directions and a map to all event locations and lodging. I feel like I am holding everybody's hand in this and that I don't even have time to worry about myself. Because everyone else seems to think that I should be planning their vision, outfits, jewelry or whatever.
I am stressed out, loosing sleep and am snapping at my dearest friends.
I have asked my bridesmaids to help me with favors etc. and have been ditched each time. Is that being bridezilla to ask your attendants for help? I can't wait for the big day to finally be over and I can concentrate on marriage to my best friend, not pleasing everyone else.
Mountain Meltdown
CO Monday, June 09, 2003
We said screw it and are getting married at Burning Man. My Bridezilla tendencies are manifesting, though, in my insistence that all invited guests (who would not be attending the event were it not for me and groomzilla) wear sarongs. My brother is not too pleased about this.
But seriously, our choice of locale was calculated in part to prevent me from becoming Ur-Bridezilla. If we were getting spliced at the country club, doubtless I would be harassing the bridesmaids to lose five pounds as we speak.
Luna
Oakland, CA Sunday, June 08, 2003
I actually told my dad that he couldn't wear the tux he wanted - I can't believe it. He wanted a black tux with a red bow tie - yuck, but who cares. Have since told him he can but now he won't and all I hear about is what a spoiled brat I am. Wish I had eloped. Can't believe I cared more about the way things looked then how someone fells - totally not me, this thing has turned me ugly, not what I wanted at all. For the rest of my life the pictures will be a reminder of how horrible I was. Think about what you say and what is really importaint before you open your mouth. It has to be worth it, insulting someone for a picture is not.
Sunk to a new low
Friday, June 06, 2003
After watching my older sister put together a farce "wedding" after spending the rent money my parents gave her to run off to CA to elope with a complete stranger my mom said, "When you get married I'm just giving you X amount of money & you can do whatever you want with it. Just don't put me through what your sister did," (i.e. acting like a bridezilla & wanting an over-the-top white wedding with all the stupid bell & whistles & everyone kiss her ass indefinitely b/c she's the only person who ever got married). So me & FH had talked it over & b/c his fam is West coast & mine is East coast (and certifiable) we decided to elope & just travel to both coasts later on for meet & greets & stuff. We booked a cruise, told everyone who didn't like it to stuff it (in a nice way), and got married on board by the captain. It was awesome. We didn't have to do anything except show up in our outfits (mine a white silk nightgown form V's Secret & him in a Hawaiian shirt) and our honeymoon started immediately. And you wouldn't believe all the free stuff we got from the cruise line for getting married on board: free upgrade to honeymoon suite, dinner with captain, boxes of chocolates, champange, & gift certificates to ship's shops, etc. When we got back home some people were somewhat sour, but when we pointed out that a big church wedding with cake & froo-froo & crap like my sister are such a pain to organize & people spend so much time worrying aobut what can go wrong they don't enjoy it, they got over it. We had our East Coast "reception" in a park with barbeque, beer & a friend's band & everyone took off their shoes & danced in the grass. Our West Coast "reception" with his family was pretty much the same, a casual party with lots of alcohol & laughing. Because we went ulta-low key & simple no one got overly offended, made crazy demands, or ended relationships over our wedding. Girls, listen to me, if your family or friends are being pains just ELOPE ELOPE ELOPE! if they can't be down with your wedding the way you want it then they don't have to be there.
NC Smug Bride
Thursday, June 05, 2003
Planning is making me go utterly insane!!!! My mom won't let my step-mom (who i think has better taste) help!! She actually made me cry on the phone, so now my mom is the only one who i can go to for planning help. I think my Dad has no idea what's going on, my FH hasn't done a thing (although i did assign him 2 things to do). God, i just want to marry him, do we have to do this whole wedding thing? we are having a 50-person wedding and everyday it seems like more people are inviting themselves and i can't say no. Soon it's going to be a 100 person wedding, 50 of those people i won't care about. I just want to love my FH for the rest of my life, forget this whole trying to please everyone crap. I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!!!!
wanting marriage not a wedding
Chandler, AZ Wednesday, June 04, 2003
I found out that my mother wants to me to plan the one and only wedding I ever hope to plan and have with $1,000(no I didn't miss any zeros). I am a nineteen year old collage student anything extra I have to pay for along with my FH who is also a starving college student. All of my hopes and dreams of a nice wedding I feel like are being flushed down the toliet. And I have to be understanding because nobody in either of our families has money. FH parents are missionaries in Africa and my dad is a preacher.
nobudget <email>
Fort Wayne, IN Wednesday, June 04, 2003
The only reason the bride is still alive is because she was a long term friend. If anyone else treated me like that they would have payed dearly. After 3 showers and a stagette where she demanded invitations were mailed out, food, alcohol and a stripper, not to mention the $300 dress plus aterations and $150 on hair. I also made the memory book, wedding music CD's, guest books and Wedding Cake. Her response, forgetting to thank me and letting me know that family is more importaint than friends in her speech. Nothing feels better than going all out for someone, keeping quite because it's their day and then getting a kick in the gut in the end. Well thanks for nothing and remeber what goes around comes around. I hope your sister and cousin are there for you in the future, like they were in the wedding - you'll have a lonley life, enjoy!
Bridezilla Victim
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
I got married in November after being engaged for 3 years. Desperately wanted to elope, but family freaked. Settled on a 30 person wedding.
(Note: for brides considering this option, just go ahead and elope. Family can be just as miserable for 30-person weddings, if not more so because then their status guests won't fit in.)
Had to plan the whole wedding in 3 months because FH *had* to be married that year. (Or what?) FH *wanted* a wedding scraped together in 1 month since his dad would be in town but EVERYONE else was out of state, so I put my foot down. I spent every single night and weekend making centerpieces, picking flowers, collecting bows, etc. while FH played video games at friend's house. Grrrr. The best part was when he HAD to have his hobby website designed and "needed help." (I'm a web developer.) So when I wasn't making stupid bow crap I had to stay up til midnight designing his stupid website! GRRRR!
My mother gave everyone uclers lamenting how I was ruining everything, including calling me up two days before the wedding to tell me how embarrassed she was going to be. I tried to set up a "girl's dinner" with my sister and longtime friend (other attendant) and they both stood me up.
The girl we had coming in to help serve food flaked out on us two days before and I ended up setting up the food myself during my wedding.
My MOH sister didn't show up until an hour before the ceremony. My mother got fuming mad because she got stuck folding napkins during setup and she thought she was just going to come in and sit there.
My parents offered to take everyone out for dinner the nite before then went on and on about how they "got shanghied into paying for dinner." (WTF?!) FH and best man were supposed to be shopping for pants but ended up shopping for hot wheels instead.
By the wedding night, I was totally wiped. H was supposed to pick up movie we'd been "saving ourselves" until the wedding night to see, but forgot it. Then he went ballistic because I was too tired to put out. Then he accidentally washed my contacts down the sink.
After the wedding, heard multiple snotty remarks about various people being put out about not being invited. (Hello. 30 people. My mom's rude casual friend and neighbor who didn't score an invite can kiss my ass.) The clincher was Mommy Dearest who couldn't get over the fact that she didn't have a wedding out of Bride Magazine and said that "for my next wedding she'll make sure I don't make the same mistakes."
Now we're planning our spring reception. Mom is haranguing us once again about details and saying how she "doesn't want to help with a thing." Sister already escaped to Florida after telling me I "acted like Queen Elizabeth" on my wedding day and how she had better things to do than go to my stupid reception.
All I can say people, is what comes around goes around.
Still pissed at the fam damily..
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
I've been engaged one month, and I have already planned the entire wedding, most of the guest list, written music for the ceremony, etc. etc. etc... but I've become such an obsessive ditz that I'm not sure I've told all my "wonderful" plans to my fiance yet. Oh, yeah, and the wedding is still 1 1/2 years away! I'm not inviting my mother, or even telling her I'm engaged, because she's a paranoid delusional alcoholic who hasn't said a civil word to me in years (so I stopped speaking to her). We are not asking my father or fiance's family to pay for a thing, because we want this to be OUR wedding, in OUR style. We aren't having bridesmaids or groomsmen, let alone MOH or BM... instead we're having Bards and Warriors as our attendants... because it's a Druid/Pagan Handfasting. Yup, priestess and priest invoking ancient gods with unpronounceable names, chants, sacrifices (of food & wine, you sickos), the whole nine yards. His family doesn't yet know he's Pagan... and his mother's an Evangelical Southern Revivalist Christian. I hope his grandmother doesn't have a heart attack. I asked my fiance to take my brother (and only sibling) as one of his "attendants", but never gave a thought to any of his half-dozen out-of-state sisters. The entire ritual will be Druidic, from kilts on the men to the liturgy and the songs... but I'm insisting on a gold-and-white Indian sari for my dress, which will make me stick out like a tiger lily among thistles... BUT DAMN IT, I'M THE BRIDE!!! How many more months until the wedding? Oh Gods, please don't let me get any worse...
Kittenzilla
Tuesday, June 03, 2003
I live in rural New Mexico and the chance of a civilized wedding seems more and more distant as I try to find qualified caterers, photographers, etc. There are no wedding coordinators/planners here! The wedding's about a year away and I'm already sick of people pushing BBQ or tacos with paper plates as reception fare. Even when I tell them I'm not interested they still try to sell me the idea. I want to scream in their faces "this is a wedding, NOT a HOEDOWN!" Why waste my time?! Hello, Civilization? Are you out there???
NMbride
Sunday, June 01, 2003
So I'm feeling smart. I waited to get engaged until I felt like I could get through planning a wedding with my guy. And then, we half-secretely eloped right after we decided to tie the knot, but we're going to have a wedding next spring. Our local friends know we are officially married, and we're able to sort of quietly learn to deal with looking at each other and say "husband" and "wife" As far as our families know, we're engaged, and they're doing all of the craziness that families do about "ach! you're getting married! that means ___! and ___! and ____!" and we can sort of deal, because we're already used to it. I KNOW he's my husband, and I KNOW what he's like, and I KNOW he loves me and I KNOW we're good at working things out together (because I couldn't marry him until I trusted that). I don't have to scream at anyone, ever, because the wedding is a ceremony, a party. My life and my marriage are not hinged on it. Ya know?
And to all those irritated that others are not behaving as expected - um, accept it and move on. Perhaps you feel that, by getting married, or just by virtue of having a wedding, you're going to put aside who YOU are, but that's probably not the healthiest choice, and you certainly can't expect other people to put aside who THEY are for YOUR wedding. And people might respond better if you can accept who they are, and realize that what you're asking them to do for your wedding might be a really monumental favor.
Feeling Brilliant
Brrrooklyn!, NY Friday, May 30, 2003
I think my maid of honor is one jealous chic. Is it mean that I rub in the fact that I am getting married and she's not? I don't think so cause it feels so good but when I start talking about my wedding she makes a face, so I just keep on talking about it. hahaha.
Bride in Texas
Wichita Falls, Tx Wednesday, May 28, 2003
It's not so bad I guess, but I really hate my groom's best friend, so I "lost" his save the date card. Then I removed his address from the address book. My groom didn't notice for a while, but the best friend finally got the invite 2 months after everyone else.
Jenny
Wednesday, May 28, 2003
Why would your parents come check out sites with you, insist on certain packages, the church they want, you get them, and then they start complaining about cost???
devilwoman
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
One last confession: a friend is getting married the same day as me...I had my date picked out first and secretly resent her for choosing the same date. Now all our friends have to choose between my wedding or hers!
Cinderella
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
I fired my maid of honor.
I asked my 18 year old sister to not get any more tattoos or body piercings before the wedding.
I yelled at the Dillard's manager in front of at least 20 other customers because her registry lady is a total b**ch.
I changed my bridesmaid dresses 10 times before finally deciding on them.
I hate my future sister-in-law and have my planner on lookout for her to purposely keep her away from me and my family on the wedding day.
I sent someone a save the date card, but now do not want them at my wedding so I'm not sending them an invitation...I never see them anymore, they won't even notice.
Threatened to kill my two little sisters if they complained or fought once on my wedding day (they're 16 and 18 for goodness sakes!).
My fiance cut out our save the date cards, and after about 10 of them were stuffed and sealed into their envelopes I noticed that he had not cut all of them exactly even. I went back and re-opened all the already sealed envelopes to make sure they were all cut evenly. Then I went back and trimmed the edges on all 200 save the date cards to make sure they were perfectly even...my fiance thinks I'm nuts.
In my defense, though, I have been really leanient/good bride on a lot of other issues.
Cinderella
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
So many things to say- i think all brides turn into bridezilla at some point! My personal favourite was when i arrived at my wedding (2 weeks ago) late (not worth discussing) to find that all my guests had been forced to walk through a bridal fair (tacky- revolting) before being taken to the appointed chambers for the wedding. It caused this incredible parody of our wedding. The thing i find most amazing is that there was a whole hour in which this could have been fixed.
I never thought I would be threatening peoples lives on my wedding day- but hey- breach of contract- we're not paying those irresponsible people. It was incredibly humiliating- I hate tizzy wedding stuff and the bridal fair is the best example. Anyway I am still angry about it- but im sure ill move on! Good luck to all those brides out there- Advice: Dont forget to inform your helpers (brides maids) that their only job on the day is to make sure you are having a good time!!!GOOD LUCK!
Ante-Bride
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
Whenver I think of my Dad, I just want to cry. No he is not dead. He is just disgruntled that I chose to have a destination wedding and his side of the family is too cheap to go. Instead of his relatives politely declining and wishing us the best of luck, they are bitching and moaning about how I planned this wedding in a way to make sure that they cannot go. So irritating. If they are too cheap to spend money on the airfare, that is their problem. My dad promised my FI and I $$$ for the wedding when we got engaged. I havent received anything and I know he is not going to give us any b/c his sisters are telling him that he doesnt have to contribute to my wedding if his family doesnt attend. My mom is a big depressed mess right now. Everytime I get off the phone with her I just want to start banging my head against the wall or drink a bottle of rubbing alcohol. She keeps going on and on about how she hates my dad, and how she has a problem with this and a problem with that. She hasnt helped me plan a damn thing for my wedding, but she did manage to spend $500 on HER dress that she is wearing to the wedding. I am so stressed out right now. We only have two months to go and I am literally paying each wedding bill paycheck to paycheck. I cant believe that my parents arent helping me with anything. What really bothers me is that when I got engaged,they promised that they would help. They encouraged me to have the wedding somewhere nice even if it was a little more expensive than what was in my budget because they said that they would help pay. Now that all this shit is happening, no one is helping me with anything. I just wished they told me in the beginning that they werent contributing anything and then I could have followed a budget that I could afford instead of convincing me to make commitments that I couldnt afford. I am going to have to live off of government cheese and spam until the wedding day.
sad broke bride
Friday, May 23, 2003
At my cousins wedding, I gushed to my aging grandmother about how fabulous she looked (she didn't, but I was trying to be gracious) she responded "Will you please just elope, attending this wedding was really hard on us." As my wedding is just a couple of months away, everything planned and paid for - uh NO I won't elope, but of course I cocked my head, smiled sweetly and said "sure". Invitations have been sent, and I wonder if she'll even call wondering why she didn't get one. Ha, don't put yourself out on my account! Since she was incapable of offering a polite decline, I did it for her!
Please tell me we're not really related.
Friday, May 23, 2003
B*tched about color of carpet in church in front of priest.
bambi
Thursday, May 22, 2003
I stabbed the wedding cake during the cake cutting ceremony and it tipped over, but due to it's rubbery consistance it bounced right back.
Evil Bride
Kansas City, MO Thursday, May 22, 2003
My wedding was a black tie affair. Prior to the reception but after the cocktail hour, my brother-in-law was wearing his scottish kilt (in formal attire that was clearly appropriate). However, I believed that he was attracting attention with his unique outfit. I had one of my bride's maids take him aside and ask that he change out of his kilt. He was not happy about it, and actually sought the advice of his wife. His wife confronted me and asked, "Do you really want [my husband] to leave the reception and change because he is taking away attention from you?" I actually said that I wanted her husband to change. My reception was then ruined because it caused such an uproar that everyone was looking at me with those eyes (You are the biggest b****). I am sorry to my brother in law for being an insecure and arrogant and being an out of control-control freak
Sun Valley
Sun Valley, ID Tuesday, May 20, 2003
Everything's mostly okay... got the maids' shoes, chose the invitations, starting to write the ceremony and vows. All smooth. But when my mother told me last weekend that her parents wouldn't be there, I sort of did the sour-grapes thing and said I was never expecting much showing from my family anyway. That was mean of me... I WAS expecting that set of GPs and I do feel bad that they won't be there. So, later, I apologized.
The discount bride
MA Monday, May 19, 2003
there nothing wrong with lighthearted freaking-outs by the bride.
but there are women who loose relationships with people like their familys and close friends permanently, break up with fiancees, put huge personal and monetary stress on themselves and other people......becasue of acting like 'bridezillas.'
that's not cute.
.......
Sunday, May 18, 2003
what makes you think that the term 'bridezilla' or confessing your bridal 'sins' is still cute/funny?
........
Saturday, May 17, 2003STILL? So it was once cute/funny, but isn't anymore? Have we evolved or something? Huh. Oh, I dunno...look at the piles of confessions that are posted here, or at the vast quantities of Bridezilla merchandise that gets sold from this site. Somebody must like it.
Plain and simple, I am so disappointed. I just found out that my best friend (a guy), may not be able to attend my wedding due to work obligations, but the reception and brunch afterwards. I'm trying to be understanding, but he's known about this wedding for the last year and a half. And this isn't the first time he's dones something like this. If there's anyone I want there, it's him. When I told my fI about the whole thing, he took a very diplomatic view. I wanted someone who would just say, you're right, that sucks big time. I feel helpless about the whole situation because he works under a special situation that he can't get out of. I know the world doesn't stop for our wedding, but my world does and he's in my world. I feel betrayed. And I'm mad at myself for being so mad with him, but I'm allowed, right?
krs9d
New York, NY Friday, May 16, 2003
My mother is driving me crazy! I'm trying to plan my wedding a little at a time, you know following the timelines in most of the etiquette books. at 9 months do this, at 8 months do this....well everytime I ask her for something...names for the guest list, her opinion on something, ANYTHING, she tells me that I'm stressing too much and I should just stop planning the wedding until at least 3 months before the big day. WHAT? I'm going to college and will be going full time for the next 6 months in addition to working at least part time and trying to get into law school. I have so many irons in teh fire that I have to plan the wedding when I have free time from school like right now or like in two months. I'm not going to have time nor will I feel comfortable with waiting until 3 months before the wedding to do everything. It feel overwhelming now, how am I going to feel knowing that if something goes wrong, there's no time to fix it? I just don't know what to do !! On top of all that, each time we meet with someone, the caterer, the florist, etc. she doesn't let me talk. I get virtually no say in the matter at all, in fact the florist told her to let me talk when we met with him. I have to go through her to get things done because my dad is giving her the money for everything, but I just don't know how much more I can take!!!
ARRRGGGHH
Alabama Friday, May 16, 2003
I am sooooooooo irritated. I have been planning my destination wedding for a year and a half. I love my family but my FI and I are on a limited budget and we are trying to do the best we can, especially since my parents are unable to help us out. My mom had a great paying job and she offered to pay for the house rental that her and relatives will stay at (my fiance and i won't be staying in this house). well, my mom lost her job and guess who got stuck with the bill??? that's right! me! I was dumb enough to help her out and book the contract in my name. now i have to take over the bill. i said, no. you have 12 people staying in that rental with you, you need to take up a collection and have them chip in. i understand the economy and i know that it's a real stretch for some people to come, but i really feel like i am being taken advantage of. i am already paying for more than 2/3 of the damn rental and these people staying there don't even want to chip in at all! it's like they are expecting a free vacation! and then, they have the nerve to make me feel like the bad guy when i ask if they are chipping in for anything. i have already contributed more than my fair share and what really irritates me is that I am not even staying in that damn house rental! nobody seems to get that. do they think i am made of money? do they think I should return my wedding dress just so i can pick up the tab and they can have a swell vacation? that's not fair! i am the f**king bride! and last time i checked, worrying about somebody else's house rental bill was not on my list of things to be stressing over about. i can't take this! i feel so taken advantage of. this house rental has already put a huge dent in my budget and i am going to end up with plastic flowers and no music at my damn reception. i really don't think it's fair that my mom committed herself to this and just passed the buck to me. i hate this!!!!!
angry bride
Thursday, May 15, 2003
My fi's friends and family so amazingly hard that it boggles my mind. He has been such a good son and great friend and now at his time of celebration they are totally letting him down. I have cried over this. I feel so bad about how distant and totally uncaring his family and friends have been. I swear once the wedding is over I am absolutely never acknowledging his friends again in my life. His family I am stuck with.
givingup
Thursday, May 15, 2003
To:Fiance's shouldn't have sisters-
EXACTLY!!! I too considered picking out the ugliest BM dress I could find just so that she would look ridiculous in it...but I have the same problem (my 2 sisters are also bridesmaids and I would never do that to them). Sucks, doesn't it?!
reallyfrustratedbride
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
I'm not sure what it is about siblings getting married but to be a good sibling through the process takes an incredible amount of patience, and humility. With that said, my Fi's sister (whom I barely know and who cut the family out of her life for the last 8 years so HE barely knows as well!) has forced--not asked--but forced herself into the wedding. We weren't planning to have "attendants" but were trying to keep the ceremony small but she now has my Fi's mother calling him at work to harrass him into making promises of lacy satiny silky dresses and bouquets and all sorts of stuff we had never even considered for our own ceremony. Needless to say, its getting out of hand. We've made the adjustments to include all our siblings in the ceremony (not wanting to give her special treatment) and I'm secretly pissed off because I can't give her a hideous dress to buy and wear without inflicting some similar horror on my own sisters.
Fiances shouldn't have sisters
Madison, WI Wednesday, May 14, 2003
OK- Weve had problems all along the way of this wedding planning, but this week takes the cake! 4 days to the big day and the tux place messes up yet again. My future husband keeps having dreams that the tuxes dont come in and they have nothing to wear. This is becomming a nightmare. Then the place I am to have the cake from lost the reciept for payment (which was in full) and wasnt going to make the cake until I showed up with my reciept for the payment. Then I cannot find my birth certificate which is needed to get onto the boat for my honeymoon cruise. And if that is not enough, the step kids ride can no longer bring them. So it looks like one of us is going to have to drive to get them-not looking forward to this! So many red signs and Im trying to ignore them, but its getting harder. Im begining to wonder if it is going to go smoothly on Saturday.
stressed to the MAX
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
I cannot stand my fiance's sister! Unfortunately, I felt compelled to ask her to be a bridesmaid (she IS his only sibling!) She is rude, selfish, immature, need I go on? Even my fiance agrees! She is so selfish, she wouldn't even look at bridesmaid dresses with me--instead, she shopped for herself the entire time while we were SUPPOSED to be looking at dresses! That was the last straw- I don't even want her AT the wedding, let alone IN IT!!! I am so frustrated that our perfect day will be so tainted by her!
reallyfrustratedbride
Monday, May 12, 2003
While it's true that a BM is not obligated to throw tons of parties for the bride, if you hate her that much you should never have accepted the position. You're not "being nice" accepting it and then being a horrible shrew about it. Being a BM is an honor, not a favor.
My confession is our wedding is going to be super-simple at a fancy local restaurant, so I get perverse pleasure from how much stress other brides are under, where all I have to do is sign the check!
Not a Bridezilla!
Monday, May 12, 2003
O.k. ladies. As a victim of bridezilla behavior, I have to make an announcement. UNLESS YOUR BRIDESMAIDS ARE SISTERS or VERY LONG-TERM FRIENDS, DO NOT EXPECT THEM TO DO "EVERYTHING A BRIDESMAID IS SUPPOSED TO DO" It's likely she was just being nice when she agreed to be in your wedding. She's actually accomodating you by buying an ugly expensive dresses she'll never wear again (remember- nobody ever tells the bride how ugly the bridesmaid's dresses are.) She does not owe you any engagement parties, bridal showers or bachelorette parties. And, she doesn't owe you gifts, volunteer labor or ongoing bitch sessions. Finally, just because she agreed to be in your wedding doesn't mean she's happy about wearing a hot ugly dress in front of hundreds of strangers all day, or that now she wants to be your best friend. j
bridezilla's victim
Monday, May 12, 2003
I HAD SEX WITH MY EX RIGHT BEFORE MY WEDDING. I WANTED TO DO IT JUST ONE MORE TIME!!
very BAD
Monday, May 12, 2003
I have broken ties with most of my friends and relatives. 20 people (aside from the other 60 that did show up) RSVP'D saying they were coming to the wedding AND bringing univited friends, DIDN'T show up and didn't call to tell me they weren't coming. I ordered food for 40 people that never showed. PEOPLE SUCK! The ones that did show had a fabulous time, but I have decided to spend the rest of the time with my husband ALONE! One of my best friends that helped out a bit before the wedding (placing favor boxes)got so jealous of me after the wedding was over, that she started making comments about us already "having everything" so we didn't need gifts and basically called me worthless since I was a housewife and didn't have a job outside the home. ONCE AGAIN "PEOPLE SUCK".
Rid of Them...
Monday, May 12, 2003
Short and sweet - I know a set of identical twins. Like one, hate the other. I want the one I like to be my bridesmaid - don't want the other one to come at all. They tell me it's a package deal, though - either both as bridesmaids or neither will come. The one I like tells me it's not worth getting her horrible twin all upset about it.
So, I don't get my bridesmaid. I do wish somebody had strangled her twin at birth.
zzg
Sunday, May 11, 2003
So... getting married in six weeks. Now, this has been a bit more than the usual obstacle course because of my rather severe physical disability and the distance from the groom's former home. Plus, finances are tight.
Enter my friends. One of whom is organizing the wedding -and- catering it. My SIL (brother's wife) is baking the cake. My business parter is videotaping. Another old friend, photographer. Yet another, flying out from CA to perform the ceremony. Handmade truffles from my ex-boyfriend's wife, to boot. Another friend is driving up six states to perform bathe, diaper & dress the bride duties (I said "severe") on the day.
No attendants for the simple reason that everyone I'd want is too busy working the event to stand still behind me. I don't -need- speeches and tafetta to know who my friends are... just look for the calluses.
The problem?
My mother had a panic attack because FH and I decided we were moving in order to oh -- have a future where he'd have a job and I'd have a chance at a life. She didn't like the idea. Raised 8 specific objections, we changed plans to answer each of them, then proceeded.
She ztill didn't like it.
So she's disowned me financially. Due to "disability, severe" I was dependent on a family trust for many things. We can -- we have to be able to -- do without it, but it's going to require juggling, stress and magic tricks.
She already paid for the wedding (5k, a figure that made those who knew blink -- she's loaded, to put it bluntly.) We managed to stay within budget for 75 guests by careful shopping and sheer miracles on the part of the aforementioned friends and some cleverness (free place) on my part.
She's even said to my best friend (see, "organizer") "I hope I'm still invited." FH does NOT want her there... I have pointed out she'll feel a lot worse if we're quietly classy and do keep her there. Oh, she had no involvement in the planning -- gave my BF the check to spend -- can't trust the brain damaged daughter with it, after all -- and has not done a thing since. Except, of course, cut off my support.
There are too many people who would feel compelled to take sides that I care about and want there to do anything but politely welcome her. FH -- rather understandably -- thinks that I'm taking the high road to the point of nosebleed.
Any advice? Keep in mind I want her there -- it'd be a bigger noise if she were absent. And to be honest, it may be the -last- time I ever see her... this move means FH & I probably have to relocate to his much less expensive home state. And I don't much feel like going out of my way to visit someone who -- well, just disowned me.
It was all going so smoothly...
Saturday, May 10, 2003
I am getting married for the first and only time Sept of 2003 and my mother is apparently celebrating her 3rd marriage the same day! Okay, my mom is only on her second marriage, but she thinks this is all for her. Let me count the ways...1)while picking out flowers she only pointed out the one's that would have 'looked great' with her first wedding. 2) she gave me a list of songs to be played at the reception for her, her husband and friends to dance to (including that annoying Grease Medley and the ChaCha song--not our style) 3) When I told her that my FH's fam is throwing a shower a month before my wedding, she decided that she was going to renew her wedding vows that day...hello?! steal the spotlite AND lay on a guilt trip! 4)she planned the whole shower, booked the caterer and hall, bought invitations etc...w/out my BF/MOH of 10+years!! (thank you MIL for including her! 5)she insists that the pink flowers I have dreamed about forever will not match my dress....doesn't everything go with white?? 6)She refused to have my inlaws names on the invitation because they're not paying for it 7) when asked if she would mind helping bring home gifts, etc after the reception she said 'No way, I'm the hostess so I don't have to do a damn thing...talk to your inlaws' 8)she threw a fit because we are leaving for our honeymoon the next day and are not having a gift opening...mind you, we've owned our own home for almost 3 years 9)she originally picked out a very light cream M of Bride dress that is poufy like a prom dress...(or a wedding dress??!!)10)...I better quite before the steam pouring out of my ears ruins my computer. I too am wishing I had either eloped or just went crazy with the plans and done everything wacky and non traditional!!
Wait, who's wedding is this?
WI Friday, May 09, 2003
Okay, I am in dire need of a venting place. First of all, the chapel where I wanted to get married cancelled my reservation because they required a $1,000 deposit (that I knew nothing about) and they never received the money. I wonder why... Anyway, now we've gotten that fiasco worked out, my fiance is starting to talk with his best man about his bachelor party. I am mortally terrified of a stripper situation. I am adamantly against the idea of some strange woman rubbing her what-nots all over "my" man. It isn't his last night of freedom...he hasn't been free in three years. Why do guys have this crazed obsession with naked women that they have no business being around? What makes it okay for a woman to be paid to rub all over a man who's about to be married? If some random woman did it, it would be cheating...but since she's being paid, it's not?? My fiance says he has no intention of getting a stripper, doesn't want one, etc. But I've known too many men who've said the same thing and yet had their marriages ruined because of it. I just don't know what I'm going to do about it!!! Anybody got any helpful hints about how not to kill the best man in the event that a stripper is present???
Blissfully Engaged *gag* <email>
AL Wednesday, May 07, 2003
My wedding was scheduled for April 2004. After my FMIL rude and obnoxious behavior, its been changed. I've known my FH for 6 years. She thinks we are rushing things. Needless to say nothing was good enough for her. She expected us to sit down and go over our schedule with hers for a time AND place. I think not! This is MY WEDDING TOO, NOT HERS. Her reason for hating a morning wedding......she can't get her hair done. I swear she said that to me, I almost lost it. I told her she can have my hairdresser, I don't care, I just want to get married. She cried during a dinner with my FH and myself. It was quite embarassing. Now MY mom is planning everything so I don't have to talk to her anymore. And its going to be a lot sooner than she thinks...........I'm SOOO looking forward to the look on her face when she finds out its in a couple of months! Serves her right. Perhaps if she wasn't such an obnoxious woman, she'd realize how good she had it before.
No longer stressed!
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
We're having a daytime wedding with a simple but elegant brunch reception. I've never been a fan of daytime tuxedos so we mandated that suits be worn for the men in the wedding party. My dad is fine with it, in fact he's thrilled. FI is fine with it, he needs a new suit, anyway. Groomsmen are OK with it since they already have appropriate suitage and don't have to deal with getting measurements, etc, at worst have to get a new shirt and tie. I figure no problem, bridesmaids regularly have to shell out for dresses and shoes, so all's fair, right? Not for the future in-laws. FMIL keeps calling FI and asking why we aren't renting tuxedos since its a wedding and FFIL doesn't have a suit and tuxedos should be used since they're rented so they don't have to buy one. They imply that our desires are causing undue burden on the families and guests. FI replies, "well, we're wearing suits, not tuxedos, since its a daytime wedding--nice enough for a suit, but not enough for a tuxedo." OK so if this conversation happened once, no big deal. BUT ITS HAPPENED THREE TIMES IN THE LAST MONTH, each time as if the previous conversation has never taken place. Not only that, I told FMIL last summer and over the holidays that I'm not a big fan of the gender inequity of wedding party attire/resulting cost, and--most importantly--we simply like suits better than tuxedos.
So if this is brought up again it will be very hard for me to restrain myself from saying, "SHUT UP AND GET A FREAKIN' SUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Won't back down!!!
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
We are a couple in our early and mid 40's who were both married before and long since divorced. We just got married on April 5th and wow the troubles we had getting there! At first it was his eldest, a univ student girl, who took grave offense to her father having a woman in his life. She screamed and yelled and took temper tantrums til he finally said grow up or go away. He had everyone on notice that her name was not to be mentioned near me, most especially on our wedding day. If she were MY daughter I would have sat her down LONG ago and explained 'life'. We were planning a sit down dinner and dancing reception and the stress got to be just too much, so we downscaled to a smaller wedding (25 people) at a very nice restaurant after a city hall ceremony. I read the confessions, I even linked this site to our wedding website that we called The Damn Wedding. The premise was to post wedding pics for friends and family to choose from and download. It got to be a very busy site with everyone posting messages and pics - before AND after the wedding - all lighthearted and fun. Downscaling was the best thing we ever did because it came back to being about us getting married with our family and friends celebrating. It was more important that our guests have a good time and enjoy themselves on our wedding day. Trust me Brides To Be...when you're in that limo with your new husband, having champagne and taking those 20 mins to be alone, ALL that ever mattered or will matter was to be able to enjoy your ceremony and your party. Don't go postal in the process. It's not worth it because after a year of hard work and fights and crying - you're married in 20 mins and then it's dinner :)
Second Time Bride
Monday, May 05, 2003
I had to add, even though it will go above, that my fiancee received some emails from an ex-girlfriend after letting her know he was getting married. She is to be a teacher like me, and is asking some questions that I've answered. He is very cautious in asking me and telling me what he is saying. IN fact, he is giving me a copy of every email he sends. Last night, there arrived in the mail a book that she borrowed about his hometown in England. She's had it for 5 years and finally returned it. I think it's because he's a guy, but he doesn't seem to see that she is coming to grips that he is marrying. I'm simply amused by the whole thing and really can see how getting married has a ripple effect. I've been in the ex-boyfriend getting married symdrome and it can be hard.
But then, today I read the book so I could learn about his hometown some more, of which, he took me to visit and propose i.e in England.
*Feel like the cat that got the canary.* Smug, yes, smug is the word. "Yeah, he's mine sweaty."
Sure you other brides-to-be feel the same.
CalliBride <email>
Friday, May 02, 2003
I have tried not to be a bridezilla, but that is not working. We first had problems with the tux place, they wanted us to pay for the tuxes more than once-I dont think so. Then we had a lady picked out for the cake, we couldnt get in touch with her. We found a replacment and the cake was soooooo bad.We now have a cake ordered. Now here I am less than two weeks away from my wedding date and still have recieved hardly any RSVPs from people. Then to top it all off, I sat down & did the little rice things- with netting and ribbons- for my sisters wedding in August and havent done my own yet! I am just ready for the whole thing to be over with and done!
wanting it to be done!!
Friday, May 02, 2003
Well, I thought I'd follow up now that the count down is 3 months to go. I'm planning my wedding in a mere 6 months. Teachers do prefer to marry in the summer. Since my fiancee proposed on Dec. 31, 2002, well, I didn't want to wait 1 1/2 years. Rather spend it married. Not getting any younger.
When I first started, scroll to earlier confessions, I was bombarded with the Bridezella crap. I was afraid to hurt peoples feelings, and trying to do family and bridemaids maintanance. Not to mention 4 other couples in our larger group of friends getting married.
Well, here's what I've been living by. I've taken up something not to do with wedding planning for my sanity-gardening. The Green Man bit my butt hard. Plus, knowing what I want when I meet with vendors; I'm not taking anything less...but oh yes, it must fit the budget. I have since found great invites on the internet, making my own tiaras for bridesmaids and self, a friend is making both of our veils. And I'm even pleased the bridesmaids by letting them pick out matching seperates that fit MY WEDDING COLORS.(Most bridal salons have this option. They can wear the tops out later.)
My fiancee And I have reached an agreement in budgeting and choices of items. HE has several jobs, including wedding list, addresses, and even picking wedding bell CDS for the ceremony.
In the end, it comes together, and the whole planning stage--as I thought--sets a foundation for your marriage in relation to family, friends, and oh yes, your fiancee.
IN conclusion, I decided what kind of bride I wanted to be. That is-MYSELF! I may be bitchy, nice, mean, demanding, stressed, over-taxed, but I'm going to be the bride I WANT TO BE.
CalliBride <email>
San Jose, CA Friday, May 02, 2003
I hate my best friend's boyfriend with a passion. If he ever proposes to her, I am going to have to tell her that I can't stand up with her. That is going to break both of our hearts. But I can't in good faith be a witness to a marriage that is psychologically abusive every day.
Pinkster
Thursday, May 01, 2003
I am the moh in my best friend's wedding, which is just a few short weeks away. I've been helping her plan this wedding since they got engaged 2 yrs. ago and I am just not excited about it anymore. Besides that...I don't think that they should be getting married. They're really young, just out of school, and have no $. Parents are paying for everything...including the honeymoon...and where they are living. They fight all the time. Some of the other attendants have bets on how long they will stay married. I decided at the beginning that I will forever hold my peace, but I decided to confess to ease my guilt.
MOH in Hell
NY Wednesday, April 30, 2003
HA HA HA HA HA!!!! He finally proposed!! I have been confessing my total obsession with this for months and it finally happened!!! Hooray for moi!!!! Hee hee. We were on the beach last Tuesday and I didn't suspect a thing. It was so sweet. Then he took me out for sushi. Yea. I have already got my bridesmaids and told everyone. I also have written up the announcement and sent it to my dad. He hasn't told his parents yet, which kind of irratates me. I mean, why haven't you told your parents??? At least they won't find out from the paper b/c they live in another state. Whatever.
devilwoman
Wednesday, April 30, 2003
Okay, I want to know when it is appropriate for a bridesmaid to inform the bride she is pregnant. My future sister-in-law has not told me, has been fitted for her dress and everything. She will be 6 months pregnant - my dresses are a two piece style. I think it will look awful. She wrote on her alteration card at the bridal shop "I'm pregnant, don't tell bride". She has completely deceived me, and hasn't brought up the subject yet! If I had known, I could have found her a dress that would be more flattering! Am I being a total bitch for being upset - or has she done something wrong! (By the way, she would totally do this on purpose to take away from my day. She got pregnant the month that I asked her to be in my wedding. She sees me as a complete threat, which I am not).
Last to Know
MI Tuesday, April 29, 2003
I just got wonderful news one month before the "big, special day" The liquor is going to cost 2 1/2 times what we budgeted. The wedding is in 25 days and the caterer won't respond to phone calls or emails to tell me what my final cost per person is! I don't think it's unreasonable to want to know if its costing $55 per person or $47 per person at 100 people, I may have my booze money and not know it! He knows how many courses and what we want, he just isn't responding. I gave him time because I thought it too bridezilla to hound him months before the wedding, now he doesn't have time because it's "wedding season". When he does call back, he always speaks in a slow, calm voice that just makes me want to vomit! The inference I get (perhaps too sensitive) is that I'm being hysterical and he needs to calm me down. 'Hey ass, I'll stop calling and being crazy if you just tell me how much I should write the check out for, you know, the one you need in TWO WEEKS!'
budget-crazed
Tuesday, April 29, 2003
For all of you who have become Bridezillas and don't know why (like if you're not normally a total bitch, but suddenly everyone, even your FH, annoys the hell out of you), read THE CONCIOUS BRIDE. I cannot stress enough how much this book is helping me right now. Also, for the record, I am THE luckiest girl on earth: I met my guy last August, he proposed three weeks later, we are to be married September 7th and we love each other more every day because we talk EVERYTHING out. Even - especially - the hard things that might hurt at the moment, be we only grow stronger in our commitment and love.
As for the wedding planning...well, I just wish people knew/remembered that I have nothing in common with a sorority girl, but that doesn't mean I don't want nice things or a nice wedding. Can't it be pretty without being sickeningly "perfect" or frighteningly expensive? Can't it be girlie-pink AND sophisticated at the same time? Why is this such a difficult concept to grasp?!
pinky
Monday, April 28, 2003
I'm getting married this November, and I am basically doing everything myself, because my bitchy sister isn't "girly" and wants to "have as much to do with planning the wedding as B (the groom)" What the hell?? She's just my MOH that's all, so I have no help from her, then she gets pissed that my other BM and my mom plan my bridal shower and don't put her name on the invitation that she helped to plan it!!! She didn't even buy me anything for the bridal shower! She put her name on all my mother's gifts! Plus she refuses to wear a dress so I am having her wear a pantsuit instead and now she is bitching that I want her to wear a necklace and earrings. I thought I had a sister who would wear a tutu and combat boots for my day if I asked her too, and now its like I am making all my arrangements around what she wants and doesn't want to wear/do on my wedding day. ARGH!!!
vegas girl at heart
Friday, April 25, 2003
alright- although we have only been engaged for 5 days- we have been together for 5 years- I can forsee all sorts of terrible issues arising. We live in Cali- all our family and friends are from the east coast, so if we do it there I have to trust my Mum to do the planning- If we do it here- I will never hear the end of it. I have choosen not to have any attendants as a pre-emptive strike against fueds- and I have devised a fool proof finiancal plan- mum and dad / honey and I/ IL & FIL all pay one third of the cost- and each are alloted equal numbers on the guest list... Sounds good now- Im sure it will back fire!!
honeyjah
Friday, April 25, 2003
ok my FH and i haven't set a date yet but i want it happen in 2005 a year after he graduates from college. and i also know i want to have a victorian era stlye weddig. my problem, my family is so unsupportive! they keep telling me it's too soon to plan our wedding, purchase items and so forth. i know i'll have alot of crafting to do, which is why i'm starting so soon. but every time they say something negative i feel dumpy. FMI is just as excited as i am (her first son to marry). and i just wish my family would be supportive. i dont want to freak last minute because i didn't think of something. i do alot of my weddign planing in private because it really bothers me when i get negative comments. good thing i can cry to FH.
Ladie Victoria <email>
Peoria, AZ Friday, April 25, 2003
A friend of mine I thought I wanted in my Bridal Party changed before my eyes from a thoughtful and sensative GF into a materialistic yuppie when I got engaged. I found out she was to be the MOH for her best friend, but they stopped speaking before the ceremony. She never showed up. She never said, "hey, I'm not doing it," Nothing. And they didn't talk for many years.
I wanted her to be a part of the ceremony. We'd had some recent tense moments, but I decided that I wanted her to do a reading. *Something.*
Her work schedule picked up and she didn't get back to me on some social situations I created so I could talk to her f2f. She couldn't (wouldn't?) commit. For the last 4 months, I've been in wedding-overdrive, so I haven't contacted *anyone*. I've just been working and wedding organizing. Every kind person that I've gained as a friend in the *last year alone* has come by and said, "hey, lemme help." But, she can't bother to contact me (not RSVPing to my shower at all, not even saying she was sorry she couldn't attend, not even a well-wishes card). So, I asked to meet with her after the shower and she and I couldn't mesh schedules. Her weekends were booked, apparently. Including the weekend for my bachelorette party.
My confession: I chose not to extend a bachelorette party invitation to her. My wedding is this weekend and I still haven't talked to her. I could pick up the phone and talk to her, but I'm so emotionally drained from family sh*t I don't want to deal with it. My friends tell me she's written me off, I don't want to flush 10 years of friendship down the drain! I secretly hope she doesn't come to the wedding. I'd like her to show her up by having her enjoy our killer reception, but I know she'd pick apart what she thinks is "tacky" and that would wound me.
VA Bride-to-be
Thursday, April 24, 2003
Poll: Should you tell your bridesmaids what's expected of them? I feel like LA bride but don't want to hurt any feelings. Our wedding is in England and I know that it's a struggle for my bridesmaids to even make it to that. But I'm a bride, damnit and bridesmaids should remember that their job is to call often and listen to the bride complain and/or gush and that their job is to make sure that the bride feels happy and wanted and at least they should remember events like showers. People can be so self involved.
Marrying a Brit
Thursday, April 24, 2003
My bridesmaids live far away and can't make it to any events. No big deal, but I think they've forgotten about me. Just because you can't make it to a shower doesn't mean that you don't send a gift!!!!!!!!!!!
LA Bride
Thursday, April 24, 2003
My mom's two best friends got married to eachother last year - they had been living together for quite some time and finally decided to "tie the knot." I was really happy for them, and my FH (then BF) and I bought them one of their gift registry items for about $150. I was glad to do it, as I have been close with this couple for quite some time. Now just recently, we recieved our RSVP back from them about our wedding, and they said they couldn't come. That was fine, but what irked me, was that they sent $75 cash with the card. He is a doctor, she is a teacher, and they both owned their own homes before they married. So, I took the cash, threw out the card, and plan to call them in 3 weeks when the RSVP date expires to ask if they are coming. "I didn't recieve anything in the mail" I will tell them. Serves them right!
Disgruntled bride
Thursday, April 24, 2003
Ok I don't really think I'm better than anyone but my oldest friend is getting married 6 weeks before me. I was engaged first and was planning a wedding for may when she went and scheduled hers for 3 weeks later. Fortunatly due to vendor problems I changed my date to later in the year. Here's the part that makes me go "I'm so much better". I just got her invitation (which was address to my FH only - she only knows him through me). They were ugly and tacky. I'm so embarassed for her. They couldn't even be bothered to change their printer cartardge so the print would be clear. I know I'm mean (don't worry I would only confess this here)
I'm so much better
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
The whole reason I wanted to elope was to avoid dealing with my family. Plus, all of his family is on the east coast, mine is in Minnesota, and the two of us live in LA. It's a logistical nightmare. Unfortunately, he still wanted the big wedding. Our compromise? We're getting married on Maui with a small contingent of immediate family members. Since neither of my brothers is interested in coming (it's too much hassle for them), my mom will be my only family member at my wedding. Also note that neither family has met the other. The problem is that I am stuck in LA while my mom holds me hostage by refusing to buy herself a nice dress for the ceremony. I've sent her $$, I've sent her style #s on websites... Her response? She's already got the perfect dress. She sent me a photo of a cotton sweatshirt-like monstrocity that doesn't fit her and makes her look dumpy. I've explained that all the men will be in tuxedos. I've asked if she doesn't want to fit in better with the formal style. His family is so awesome and has such good taste, that she's going to look like Daisy May fresh off the farm even though she herself can afford a reasonably nice dress. Her argument is that her dress selection is dressy enough and is a perfect color match for my color scheme. She won't budge and I can't physically get at her, nor can I appeal to her in any way. I swear! I'm going to have to fly home and handhold her all the way to a store and back, and then bring the dress to Maui myself. (She's just the type that would leave it behind.) Of course, as soon as I board the plane, I'll die of SARS and miss my wedding day altogether!! Who ever heard of a bride having to fly 2000 miles just to get her mother to buy a nice dress for the ceremony? I don't have the tears left!
Stuck in LA & Held Hostage by Mom
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
aughhh! i hate my family! for any of you asian bridezillas out there (or anyone with just an unhealthily too close family) can probably relate to me! i have a HUGE extended family, which means that if i was to have my wedding here I would probably have 400 guests and could only afford a church in the ghetto, half of a wedding ceremony, lovely reception in some bowling alley with a dinner of rubber chicken, stale vegetables, apple cider, no bar, and a honeymoon in reno nevada (yuck). or my fiance and i could spend $40,000 on some cathedral and a huge recepetion in some fancy shmancy hotel and still not afford a honeymoon. Either way, we would be stuck with a wedding we didn't want with a bunch of guests that i CAN"T EVEN STAND!!!!! So my honey and I talked about it and we both agreed that we wanted to have a beautiful wedding, reception, and honeymoon that we could enjoy and afford. So we agreed to have the wedding, reception, and honeymoon in Hawaii. That way, we could cut our guest lists (anyone who really loved us and wanted to make the effort to go would go) and we could save lots of money. Our guest list has gone down from 400 to 25 people and we are only spending around $4000 for a wedding ceremony in a garden, and a beautiful luau style reception in a tent. So what's the problem?? My huge extended family!! They are taking is so personally that I am not getting married in the bay area,like its' some personal attack on them. No one has bothered to say congratulations or anything remotely positive, except,"Oh, she's getting married in hawaii so we can't go!" Well, if they are too cheap to go, then it's not my problem they can't go. My father is a gullible naive kind of guy and is developing ulcers because his sisters are telling him that it's proper wedding ettiquette that they pay for their tickets and my grandfather is mentally beating my mother over the fact that it's so disrespectful that I am having my wedding in hawaii where no one can attend. My future mother in-law really wanted to give us a simple reception when we come back home so people who couldn't make it to the wedding could celebrate with us. Well, nice gesture but screw that! My stupid family doesn't deserve anything but my middle finger. I don't understand what there problem is. They aren't the ones paying for my wedding. I AM! And if they can't be happy for me, they should just but the hell out!!!
Going Bridezilla <email>
Sunday, April 20, 2003
My future mother-in law are not getting along. The other day when i was chopping food for dinner for me and her drunk son......she tells me that for the wedding she bought us a blender! As she tells me this she reaches over and tries to grab a piece of the food Im preparing and I just swung that butcher knife as hard as i could and cut off her two smallest fingers! Sure I was wrong....but that bitch had it coming! Next person to fuck with me ..I will get my gun.
Tina
Sunday, April 20, 2003
I often frequent the chat boards at www.theknot.com and feel quite superior to almost everyone on there since my wedding is just around the corner and everything is going wonderfully!! So far I feel I have completely managed to NOT be a bridezilla and my attitude is resulting in the best time of my life! No fights with in-laws, no struggles with parents regarding budget, no bridal party drama and minimum stress. I rock!
NOT Bridezilla and proud of it!
Saturday, April 19, 2003
I am getting married in less than a month. My fiance and I have been together for three years and along the way have cut ties with a few friends who were'nt great- as any normal person would. Well one of these " friends" was pretty much head over heels for my fiance. We decided that not hanging around her any more would be the best thing given the circumstances. This was over a year ago-- and now I'm hearing through the grapevine that she's planning on coming to my wedding, and objecting to our marriage b/c I " stole her soulmate/best friend away from her" and that I'm " not letting him get away from me, he's trapped, he doesn't really want to be with me , etc." She said the sole reason she wants to go is to ruin my day. This chick is a complete psycho and I would not put it past her to show up and cause a scene--she's that obsessed. In communicating my fears to my honey of a fiance, he just made some joke about how it's too bad for me that he's so irresistable, that everry girl wants him and I have to just deal with it. Hello?! I'm ready to scream!!! Hopefully we can avoid the situation with the fully informed ushers......
frustrated
Friday, April 18, 2003
Okay, so after 10 months of planning and no imput or comments from the Moms I figure with 3 weeks to go I am home free, right? Wrong! Suddenly his mother decides she needs to invite 5 couples who my FH doesn't even remember and who's names she won't give us. She just wants blank invites. AARRGH! We told her NO. Worst thing is she and one of FHs siblings have whined enough at me that I cave to the pressure and pester my Mom to try to wear something she doesn't want to wear. My parents are comming from an event and were going to change into jeans -- now Mom is going to wear a sundress, but I feel horrible as I was originally just happy she was able to make the wedding. Bad Bride; bad, bad, bad Bride!
Snuziq
Dallas, TX Friday, April 18, 2003
i am really annoyed with one of my bridesmaids. first i cant talk to her about my wedding coz she got married really young and regrets it and just coz im saving my money to afford a nice wedding she gets upset coz ill have a nicer wedding than she did.
second we went out shopping for briedsmaids dresses and she spent the whole time trying to find the cheapest dress in the shop so it wouldnt be too expensive for me to buy for her. and she wanted to wear velvet as well! the weddings in june itd be too hot. she picked out one dress that was really skanky a tube with the back cut so low you could see her @$$! the other bridesmaid and me told her no. so she gets her dress which is really nice and she looks lovely in it and i made sure she can wear it again and it doent look like a bms dress and it cost me over $300! which i pay and later she offers me $50 to help and tells me that shell give it back after the wedding so i can sell it! like thatll help!
i got really upset coz she insults me by saying that i cant afford to buy nice dresses for my bms and if she was that worried about costing so much then she shoulda offered to pay more!
i am v stressed coz money is tight coz were paying for everythin ourselves and i cut cornerd to save up for my wedding coz i wanted it to be really good. i want my bms to look good and be happy with there dresses so id on't mind paying for them. but she really upset me by talking about the price so much. specialy coz she earn more than i do!
now shes planning the bachelorette party. i told her what i wanted to do go out and get nail art done and beuaty things and she come back and says that a friend of hers who i know is really good at painting nails. hello? i want nail art done not just my nails painted and that friend isnt a close frind to me enough to be invited to the party anyway.
im worried that shes going to hold the party in her house that means i cant drink at my own party coz ill have to drive home or get a taxi or somethin or ill have to fight with all her friends shes invited for space on the floor to sleep.
she promised to make a quilt for us as a wedding present but says she wont start work on it until a year after the wedding in case we break up!
her husband is part of the groomsmen and she spends more time fussing over what hes going to wear than asking me about my dress or planning or anythin
she keeps on saying how fat she is and that makes me feel really horrible coz shes not fat and i am at least 30lb heavier than her but she just says it to get attention. shes getting more attenituion in theis wedding than iam!
i want to fire her but i cant. shes really nice most of the time but doesnt realize when she says things that hurt. i can usually laugh it off but the stress means that i cant now.
so thats why i had to confess
annoyed at bridesmaid
Thursday, April 17, 2003
Two weeks before the wedding a guest, not a close friend, e-mailed me that she had met a new Man and could she bring him along to the wedding (!). I e-mailed back that we were keeping it small, so sorry etc. she e-mailed again saying what if she brings him but only drinks half as much as she usually would? (!!) There was nothing to do but say OK and mentally roll my eyes. The punchline? Seven days before the wedding I called her and said did she know if he were coming as I had to give final numbers to the caterer. She confessed she hadn't got around to asking him, so I said, what a pity, I guess it's too late!
Rocky
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
I got married a few years ago but this has been bothering me ever since. I paid for my bridemaids to have thier hair done at an upscale salon. Hair styling was optional and they could do whatever they wanted. One BM--who had been an absolute pain during the planning--was seated next to me while we were both having our hair done and was making faces at me the whole time to express her displeasure with her chosen hairstyle. I spent $50.00 on her style and did she do? She took her hair down in the car while I was driving us all to my parents' house so we could get dressed. Excuse me? I let you pick your own &*?$! style AND I pay for it and all you can do is complain about it to me on MY wedding day and waste my hard-earned money. Still makes me mad.
Rose
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
I'm secretly, selfishly wanting all of the attention on me&him; on our wedding day. We're paying for everything, which is making life tight, but at least we have total control. Seems like EVERYONE has a suggestion and at least two criticisms. My Mom keeps saying how she wants everyone to be "WOW"ed when she comes down the aisle. Has she forgotten she's walking me, THE BRIDE, down the aisle? I am not normally like this, but I want to say to her that the people should be looking at me. Also, my sister (MOH) has ordered and returned like three pairs of shoes already, like she's looking for THE perfect pair. I haven't even tried on shoes yet, so I think she's trying to somehow steal my spotlight. I'm feeling like a Bridezilla and a Brat for resenting everyone's suggestions as attempts to steal part of our day.
knitting the stress away...
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
Things are crazy between my fiance's family and me. Everyone here at goingbridal just think about me and keep me and my sweetheart of a fiance in your prayers. Maybe after the wedding in June I will come back and post my horror stories (emphasis on the ies!!) for you all to cringe over.
And before I do anything, I reserve the right to go bride-zilla if his parents so much as make one more PEEP about our wedding plans. They haven't shown any interest in it for the past three years, I'm not about to let them start dictating it now.
Oh, and Sara, I hope all is going better with you, keep your chin up and God bless you! Sometimes we need all the support we can get (and right now, I need it as well!)
Help! I may turn into a RAGING BrideZilla! <email>
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
The going joke was that my fiance was actually the bride at our wedding. He's the one who wanted the reasonably big, formal affair (I wanted to elope), so I told him that if he wanted it, he had to plan most of it. I took charge of some things, like flowers, just because I didn't trust his taste.
I vetoed quite of few bridezilla-like suggestions of his, most of which involved trying to have every member of our immediate and extended families participate in the ceremony, even when I knew they either didn't want to or probably wouldn't actually be there. He had to listen to a lot of people tell him no, unfortunately, mostly on his side of the family.
One suggestion I gave in to, only because it wasn't worth fighting over after a while. He was going through a very "by the Book" religious phase at the time, and he insisted that on the back of our program, we list websites and other resources for anyone who was interested in finding out more about our particular faith. Everyone who mentioned the program notes to me, of our religion or not (and we had a very mixed bag of friends at our wedding), thought it was weird. At least that was the scaled-back version: he wanted a line-by-line scriptural-origins accounting of every step in the entire service printed in the program. I only won that argument because it would have made the programs a ridiculous length, even in tiny type.
Traded Places
Monday, April 14, 2003
I don't think I've really done anything terribly bridezilla, unless you count inflicting my (lacto-ovo, non-picky) vegetarian preferences on people for the 2 whole meals they'll have to eat for the wedding. So we're doing Italian food for the reception; we live in Texas, so we thought Tex-Mex would be a nice change of pace for the rehearsal dinner for out-of-town relatives. The problem is my mother. She hates spicy food. She won't even cook with black pepper -- THAT'S too spicy for her.
So I keep telling her that the cheese enchiladas won't be spicy at all, and since we're vegetarians, "American" food doesn't work for us. They would like Asian or Indian food even less than Tex-Mex. So mom's response? "I don't understand why you're not having the rehearsal dinner at IHOP." IHOP. IHOP?!? She has brought this up repeatedly, whenever the subject of rehearsal dinner is mentioned.
I'm just.on.the.verge of calling my own mother a cheap redneck.
frazzled bride
Sunday, April 13, 2003
My gramma bought my a 550 dollar staitonary mixer. I registered for it in RED. she bought it in WHITE. i am SO pissed off at her!!!!!!! she said i would 'outgrow' red and that if she was gonna spend the money she was getting me white. its not your mixer, lady, its MINE!
liza
Sunday, April 13, 2003
i asked my mother to buy m&;m's in my wedding colors. i then asked her if she would mind counting them out so there were equal amounts of each color in each candy dish......needless to say my request drew hysterical laughter.
princess
Sunday, April 13, 2003
the other day my future mother-in law came over in her new Lexus and was talking smack how she doesnt have enough money and that she was only going to give us a $100.00! I Said "YOU FILTHY BITCH I AM MARRY YOUR JACKASS SON AND YOU WANT TO GIVE ME 100.00!" Then i went outside and jumped on the roof of that "new" car and caved the whole thing in! Im 300lbs too. The next week she told me that is was $3,300 to fix it. I told her to get out of my trailer "you cheap bitch". Next time come up with some cash.
cindyloo
Friday, April 11, 2003
I don't have some tragic story, but rather a story that use to have been in the movies. The story is romantic, and something that you never hear anymore. My husband and I eloped. We had been talking about marriage for the past two years. My dh is in the air force, and we got married right before he deployed. I love him so much, and he is away. We went to the court house which had this beautiful little chapel. I told my mom, and she was the only person who knew. She was my witness. I have my grandmother's rings, and I am honored to have them. I never got to meet her, she passed away when I was little. We plan on having a ceremony later on. We will start planning when he comes back. I just want a small wedding. A few bridemaids. I don't care about the small details. I just want every one hear our vows for one another. I look forward to saying my vows for every one to hear.
I'm not taking crap from anyone. It's not about anyone, but my husband and I. I will keep it that way. All you ladies out there good luck with planning, and congratulations!!! I thought you may want to hear that story.
romantic story
Thursday, April 10, 2003
The best man asked who payed for travel expenses (he lives in fl we live in oh). I told him it was his responsibility. He payed. Ah ha ha ha ha!
honeybride <email>
Powell, OH Thursday, April 10, 2003
Okay, so I'm not the bride in this situation, but one of my best friends is going out of her mind. She sent out 120 wedding invitations, and so far it looks like about 240 people are going to show up. Yes, there have been a few regrets, but the problem is that some of her relatives are RSVPing with the names of their grown and out of the house children and their dates. The reception hall has a capacity for 200 people, but they have had 250 before. The overflow winds up in the bar area. She's so mad because she knows that her friends will be the ones in the bar! Her mother told her that she should just smile because she'll get more gifts. That's not what her wedding is about AND these families will most likely only bring one gift.
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